Warts Are For Toads

Warts are a common skin condition caused by a virus. Almost everyone has gotten one at one point or another, but the truth is, they’re persistent, disgusting, and can be awkward if they show up on a hand or a foot. We try all sorts of medication to get rid of them, from liquid nitrogen (cryotherapy) to concentrated salicylic acid to direct scalpel work. But is there an easier way – perhaps one that involves fewer trips to the doctor?

Studies have claimed that everyday duct tape can be more effective than any of these methods. All you have to do is cover the wart with duct tape for six days (if it comes off don’t be a worry wart, just reapply), then remove the tape, soak the wart, debride (euphemism for scraping off dead skin) it with a pumice stone, and repeat starting the next day. After a few cycles, the wart should be all gone. Just make sure you use grey duct tape — because other studies challenging the remedy have failed to remove warts by using the transparent kind. But please be careful to allow the area you’re covering to breathe if you should experience any redness or rawness.

Another dependable treatment is injection therapy with Candida antigen. If home remedies and doctor’s visits aren’t working, this injection therapy is rising to become the new way to fight warts. Now before I go on, I must share that Candida is the same yeast which causes yeast infections in women. I know – gross. But before you cringe and hit your back button know that doctors have been using Candida for three decades to test our immune systems. Recently, the Altoona Family Physicians Residency conducted a test showing that Candida antigen could help completely eradicate warts from your life in as little as one visit (maximum of five).

I realize this treatment is new and that in it itself can be a bit scary when you’re looking for an answer. I earlier this year I was quite stressed about life in general and got sick…very sick. Kidney infection sick. Right after a trip to a Los Angeles emergency room (horrid experience) and a good dose of antibiotics, I noticed a bump on my palm. Nothing serious, just very peculiar. Pretty soon it was a wart.

I couldn’t believe what I was looking at when it finally penetrated the surface of my palm. It was ugly and spotted and only getting worse. I made an appointment with a receptionist and the earliest they could squeeze me in was in a month. As soon as the receptionist told me, I looked down wide-eyed at the hideous bump on my palm and got the shivers. Ugh, I’m going to have to look at this and feel this for the next 30 days!

30 days later…I arrived at the office fifteen minutes early and boy was I ready to finally see the wart burned to smithereens. I remembered getting a wart removed with liquid nitrogen when I was ten and it hadn’t been too painful. But still I sat scared in the florescent waiting room. Finally, the nurse called my name and invited me into the patient room. She then proceeded to ask me about the wart and bring out the liquid nitrogen canister thingy. Have you seen one of these before? It looks like she cut off the Tin Man’s head and was going to use it to burn my hand off, which ironically is what she proceeded to do. Rather than concentrate the area the liquid nitrogen was going to hit, she pointed the Tin Man’s head at my hand from a foot away and released the liquid. My entire palm was burned. MY ENTIRE PALM. I have never felt so furious at a “doctor” – which I don’t even know if she was!

I immediately transfered to my home practitioner in San Diego, a dermatologist I trusted. I saw her every two weeks for my proper “freezing” as they call it. It is now April and instead of one wart, I have four. She told me not to use home remedies in between freezings as it could counteract the treatment and cause more, so every two weeks I would drive the hour and a half from L.A. to San Diego hoping that it would be the last (despite how much my mother liked it – now she was seeing me more than she could have ever hoped for). And two weeks ago it was the last. Two weeks ago my dermatologist gave up. She said my warts were just too resilient and stubborn (I thought, “Not as much as I am”). She recommended that her good friend Dr. So-and-so have a look.

A few minutes later…”Oh, hello Dr. So-and-so! This is Natalie I’ve been seeing her for months now and these warts just aren’t responding.” He says, “Have you ever heard of Candida antigen? It’s a wart injection therapy that many of our patients with this exact same problem have been trying and loving. Would you be interested in reading the Patient Education form?”

frog plate Of course I was! I could hardly handle the first month with those ugly things. Constantly hiding my hand in my pocket to avoid anyone’s glances. Embarrassed to even mention it to my closest friends. Embarrassed to even look at it. I read through and a second after I said, “Yes!” He had me sit on the exam table. He started to make small talk with me. All I’m thinking is, “Doc, come on get it over with. I hate injections, but I’ll make sure to hold still-even if I really want to kick and scream.” Then out of no where the guy sticks me. No warning or anything, just the fierce sting of a needle.