Zen Friends
All throughout life our parents tell us, “You’re my little angel – don’t listen to what those big bullies told you. Everyone loves you.”
Life goes on and we realize we are not loved by everyone. But we aspire towards perfection and seek love everywhere. In our journeys we forget that sometimes the people closest to us can be the ones who have the worst effects on us. You may think you would never willingly spend time with an individual who was bad for your self-esteem, but many times a bad friend is so very well disguised as a “concerned friend.” You know, the “friend” who tells you that you deserve to be loved, but that one more cookie might hide the real you from all those people.
This isn’t to say that true teasing and honesty are bad traits for friendship. But someone whose comments always come laced with negativity or bitterness may not add any value in your life.
You spend most of your life with, maybe, five to ten truly close friends, plus the family you can stand. It’s so important to pick the right people before investing so much of your life in them. Remember, you get to choose who you bring into your life. You get to decide who influences you.
Your time is precious and you are fragile. Every moment counts either towards your happiness or deducts from it and the people you decide to spend it with make the biggest difference.
Ever since the dramas of middle school, I have spent a lot of time wondering what is important in a friend. What should I value most? And how do I stop a bad relationship from forming once I’ve learned I that someone is hurting my happiness?
These questions resurfaced for me recently when I was standing in a room of screaming “friends” and it became overwhelming to balance my thoughts against their barrage. I realized at that moment that something important to me in a friend is mindfulness and that these friends just didn’t have it. So I got my emotional bags and left.
I was fed up with disappointment. I finally realized that I had only projected the attribute I most value onto them. Facing the truth was heart wrenching, but I am over it. I’m still standing!
(photo credit: carbonNYC)
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