“One of my inner sources of guidance comes from that part of me that remembers how many other difficulties I have been through and how I have come through them each time.” – Russell Bishop

This quote resonates so much with me and most likely with many others. However, what I would like to shed light upon is not the inner strength I muster from the roots of prior adversity overcome, but the inner demons left from that adversity and the tools I use to conquer them.

I was physically and emotionally battered throughout my childhood and was able to persevere through it with therapy and the kindness of strangers. I have learned to forgive those responsible and grow with them since, but one aspect of my experience I have much difficulty healing is the harsh memory of the things that were said to me.

I write the cruelties down on paper and throw them away… sometimes I burn them, other times I put them in the freezer. Some I have managed to forget over time, but others maintain the same sharpness as when they were first spoken. To be told since the time of true innocence that you are worthless is, to say the least, a difficult hurdle to overcome when it comes to healing, attaining success, and believing in yourself.

On paper, I have won scholarships, helped many in need, and worked hard to build a future for myself, ringing true to the American dream that my Mexican roots made sure I learned.

But with each achievement there are still moments where those demons scrape away at me. Today I wish to reach out to those of you who have experienced something profound and maybe debilitating. For those seeking guidance I would like to share a few tools that help me disarm the pain in past memories and harbor and embrace the love in new ones.

Be fearless. No matter how challenging the circumstance, how cruel the world might seem, you still have control – use it. You have control over how you see yourself and how you experience yourself. Don’t hide from your fears, confront them. Whether it is by sitting in front of a mirrior and voicing them aloud, writing them down, or voicing them at You-Anonymous. It is important to listen to yourself.

Listen and observe. Listen to your tone when you say your fears aloud. How does it effect you as you say each word outloud? Are you feeling resentment, anger, depression, nervousness? What kinds of images do you invision as you speak? These questions can help identify and narrow your despair into bite-size pieces.

Express your grief. As you say the words what urges do you feel? Make sure that when you answer this question you are somewhere you feel comfrotable to fully express your emotions. If you feel like crying, let go and cry. Like running, get your tennishoes on and run. Like screaming, scream. This kind of physical expression of your pain is extemely helpful in getting your physchological well-being back on track.

Inspire yourself. Every morning (if I can remember) or when I’m feeling down I write an “I am” list. I write down ten attributes that I am. This is especially hard to do when all you’re feeling is pain and writing down “I am a hopeless mess” isn’t exactly helpful. Well, that is where my trick comes in: include characteristics that you hope to attain one day or that you are working on.

If you’ve just experienced something traumatic, write down “I am strong” or “I am resilient.” If you feel bitter because of the problems life has brought you, write “I am understanding.” If a relationship with someone close to you has ended, write “I am loving” and “I deserve to be loved.” Bringing this positivity into your mind can lift your spirit and actually make you believe and act understanding during a time where your patience and logic is most needed or strong when you most need it.

These techniques have brought me out of some pretty dark moments; I hope that you find them equally helpful.

Wishing you much love.

(Image Credits: Jeremy-G and susanna.erkheikki)

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