My, What Bad Breath You Have
It’s seven o’clock in the morning and I’ve just turned off my alarm to get up. But before I dare rise, I take a few moments to breathe deeply and bask in the light peeking at me through my drapes. I close my eyes to enjoy the chirping of the birds outside and begin to stretch. As I extend my legs away from my center, I feel the softness of my sheets caress my legs and the tension in my muscles release. I adjust my back and lay still for a few more breaths. Then, out of nowhere, an appalling odor creeps into my nostrils and snaps me out of it.
I open my eyes to the sight of Ben. He looks as dead as he smells. And although I know he isn’t aware of it, even when he’s awake, having that stench blown into my face with every word and breath is not exactly the most pleasant part of loving him. He brushes his teeth and uses mouthwash before he goes to sleep but it just doesn’t seem to make a difference. What is a poor girl to do?
Research. I hit up the web and called some friends in search of a *real* remedy for bad breath. Here’s what worked:
1. Meals usually come with parsley, and if you’re having garlic or onions for lunch, parsley is a great combatant for bad breath. Although, warning to all, it’s definitely an acquired taste. But it’s inexpensive and provided with most restaurant meals – and it’s readily available at grocery stores for home use. All you have to do is chew. Swallowing is completely optional.
2. Hydrogen Peroxide (3%, the stuff that comes in those weird brown bottles) is also another great remedy. You 
really wouldn’t think so, given that we’re used to minty-smelling things like toothpaste and Listerine, but the secret lies in substances that actually kill bacteria, not just cover it up with a stronger pleasant odor. This is also why peroxide makes an effective antiseptic on cuts or scrapes. You can buy it nearly anywhere (Walmart, CVS, or Walgreens) and use it just like mouthwash. My grandfather swore by this remedy until the day he died. It’s cheap and effective.
3. Tongue brushes. That tongue (one of the words that i have persistent trouble spelling) is home to the nastiest, stinkiest bacteria in your mouth. It’s warm, covered in food, full of nooks and crannies, and it’s wet. In short, it’s paradise. Bacteria will especially accumulate in the back – farther back than you probably brush, since your tongue extends into your throat. A scraper is extremely effective in removing the bacteria, but it’s harsh. It’s most important to brush your tongue gently because you can damage to your taste buds (painful!) if you use too much force. Also, make sure to brush back to front, against the plaque coating on your tongue. Tongue brushes are great for cleaning the back of the tongue.
4. If none of the above or any combination of the above don’t work there is a always chlorophyll. Yup, the green stuff of plants. It apparently stops bacteria evolution in your mouth by working as something called an “anti-mutagen”. So once your body figures out how to kill bad breath causing bacteria, chlorophyll keeps the bacteria from adapting. The most important aspect to keep in mind is the amount of chlorophyll needed to make a lasting difference. You can’t get the amount needed from green leafy vegetables or even eating algae because most of the chlorophyll is lost in cooking them, but you can get it from liquid capsules or chlorophyll tablets, but please keep in mind that they might turn your teeth and tongue green… but probably not permanently.
So if your breath has ever ruined a first kiss or a flirty conversation at a bar, keep these remedies in mind. They just might might your life a little more pleasant.
(photo credit: doug88888)
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